9-1-1 Season 9, Episode 15, “Pick Your Poison” Spoilers Ahead
This time last year, fans of the ABC procedural drama 9-1-1 were hit with a bombshell — our beloved show about L.A.’s finest first responders was filming a funeral.
And not just any funeral — from the cellphone footage of a boots-on-the-ground observer, we quickly learned that this would be a funeral for firefighter captain Bobby Nash, signalling the first main character death in the show’s then eight-year history.
Though the episode in which Bobby ultimately passed, “Lab Rats,” wouldn’t air for nearly three weeks, and the actual funeral wouldn’t be shown for over a month, the damage was done. Like it or not, we were going to lose Bobby Nash.
In-universe, the most recent episode of 9-1-1, Season 9, Episode 15, “Pick Your Poison,” marks the first anniversary of Bobby’s death. Upon watching this episode, in which the team rallies around fellow firefighter and Bobby’s surrogate son, Evan “Buck” Buckley, as he recovers from opioid withdrawal, I was struck by the oddest sense of something about a one-year-old storyline — closure.
A whole year later, I can confidently say that I am now at peace with Bobby’s death, something I’d long since stopped expecting to ever feel about this particular plot point, and I have “Pick Your Poison” to thank.
In this episode, Buck’s experience with opioid dependency following a car accident two episodes prior mirrors a particularly dark time from Bobby’s past, a similarity Buck’s new captain, Howard “Chimney” Han, points out after Buck comes clean to him about his struggles.
In response to Buck’s tearful confession that this behavior “is not me,” Chimney reassures him, “I know, I know. You’re not the first person to get hooked after an injury, okay? And given the timing, I can’t say I’m shocked.” But Buck doesn’t understand what Chimney’s referring to. As Chimney has to remind him, this week represents one year since Bobby died, something Buck admits he didn’t remember. “Well, that’s grief,” Chimney tells him. “You don’t see it coming, and then it sucker punches you in the face.”
On 9-1-1, Buck, who considered Bobby a father figure, has been one of the main characters most significantly impacted by Bobby’s death, second only to Bobby’s wife, Sergeant Athena Grant. Notably, Buck and Athena were also the last two people Bobby spoke to before succumbing to a deadly virus in a research lab.
In the time since “Lab Rats,” Buck’s grief has manifested in various ways and to varying degrees on the show. We’ve seen him grapple with this major loss in “Don’t Drink the Water,” and in several Season 9 episodes (“Eat The Rich,” “Dia de los Muertos,” “Dads and Cads,” and “Mother’s Boy”), and even briefly in the 9-1-1: Nashville crossover (Season 1, Episode 12, “Spirit of the Games”).
But, it’s only in “Pick Your Poison” that we finally get the sense that Buck is on the path to recovery — from not just his recent drug dependency, but also his grief. Back in the lab, the very last thing Bobby ever said to Buck was, “You’re gonna be okay, Buck. Remember that. They’re gonna need you. I love you, kid.”
Now, a year later, when Buck finds himself at risk of following in his father figure’s unfortunate footsteps (Bobby struggled with addiction prior to the start of the show), he’s able to avoid going down the same path thanks to the supportive network Bobby himself helped create over the years.
Near the end of the episode, in an especially moving sequence set to Lauren Daigle’s “Rescue,” Buck’s found family (consisting of his best friend, his teammates, his sister, Athena, and her two adult children, and his best friend’s teenaged son) stays by his side as he goes through the worst of his withdrawal symptoms.
A little later, we see Buck awaken from an extended nap to find Athena reading a book in his living room. Buck starts to apologize, which Athena assumes is for sleeping through five hours of her visit, but he corrects her with a “No, I- I mean, uh… I’m sorry about the anniversary. I’m sure the last thing you wanna be doing today is babysitting me.”
Athena, however, is not having any of it. “We take care of each other,” she tells him, unwavering in her conviction. “Every day. So being right here is exactly where I’m supposed to be.” Buck admits to Athena that Bobby’s been on his mind these past few days. “And I know this is weird to say, but I feel like I know him now in a way that I…I didn’t a year ago.”
“He really loved you, Buck,” Athena reminds him. “But I think he would’ve wished that part had remained a mystery.” In lieu of a response, Buck just shares a smile with Athena and reaches over to squeeze her outstretched hand. This moment between them is even more poignant when you consider how Athena was able to embark on her own healing journey earlier this season, in “Reentry.”
That episode, which spends most of its runtime cutting between Athena’s past experience of losing her police partner on the job and her present-day peril in the depths of space after a billionaire’s publicity stunt goes awry, culminates in a sequence that sees both versions of Athena meeting face-to-face in a liminal space (reminiscent of an interview set). Athena’s younger self attempts to convince present-day Athena to just “let go.” “You’ve hung on for so long,” she says. “Been through so much. You could just…” “Float away?” Athena supplies. Her younger self asks, “Wouldn’t that be so nice? Away from all the pain. All the loss. So much loss. And for what? What’s it all been for, anyway?”
Athena’s answer, spoken as much to her presently grieving self as it is to this earlier version, is perhaps my favorite monologue in the entire history of 9-1-1. She says, “For all the moments in between. No matter how far apart they might be…like…stars. There’s so much dark between them. Cold. Empty. Forever. But as long as there’s light, there’s hope. They keep us going, those stars, those moments. Like a dance between lovers, or a laugh between friends. They pull us along, they warm us, they…blaze…with all that’s good and tell the darkness, ‘Not today.‘”
She continues, “Pain is the price we pay for joy. And it’s a fair trade, a good deal. Because any second, instant moment of joy, is like a diamond in the darkness.” “Like stars,” Athena’s younger self realizes. “But letting go and floating away is not how you get to the next one,” Athena explains to her. Tearfully, Athena’s younger self asks, “Then how do you?“
Athena’s response? “By reaching out. And going together.” It’s punctuated by Athena doing exactly that, offering her hand out in a gesture that she later replicates with Buck in “Pick Your Poison.”
Athena and Buck talking about Bobby was something that I’d been secretly hoping for ahead of this episode airing. I’d always felt it significant that they were the final two people to interact with Bobby, and I wanted to see them reflect together on this person who meant so much to them. Thankfully, their conversation in Season 9, Episode 15, “Pick Your Poison,” does exactly that.
In some ways, this entire portion of the episode feels like the embodiment of Bobby’s final words to Buck. Even though he’s gone, Athena reiterates how Bobby will always love Buck. We know the found family Buck and Bobby shared does need Buck, and we see them doing everything in their power to help him through this rough period. And finally, despite all he’s endured, we can tell that Buck really will be okay in the end.
The episode ends with everyone gathered around a bonfire in Buck’s backyard, swapping Bobby stories and reminiscing about the remarkable man who’d touched each and every one of their lives in a meaningful way.
When Bobby’s stepson and Buck’s teammate, Harry, notes that the clock has struck midnight, Athena tells the group, “We survived the year.” Buck adds, “Yeah, he got us through.” They all raise a glass to Bobby, and while I may not have cried at all when we lost him last season, the tears were certainly flowing for Bobby now.
Related Content: 9-1-1 Season 9 Is Athena Grant’s Best Arc Yet
Buck, Athena, and the rest of Bobby’s found family survived their first year without him…and it turns out we did, too.
Now streaming on Hulu: What are your thoughts on Buck and Athena’s conversation in 9-1-1 Season 9, Episode 15, “Pick Your Poison?” Let us know in the comments below.
First Featured Image Credit: (Disney/Christopher Willard)