Slow Horses Season 6 might be the show’s darkest arc to date, but it’s a dream for Sid and River fans. Something akin to fan fiction because I legitimately never thought we’d see any of this in the show’s canon, despite its inclusion in the book. With the material we get in “Resurrection” and “Lost and Found,” it would’ve been more than enough for us to subtly but indisputably understand that there’s something more between them. Yet, the way that Season 6, Episode 5, “Sayonara,” fortifies every emotion and boldly underscores that theirs is a love story is no small feat.
And while their first kiss is certainly one thing, it’s the build-up that’s significant and achingly profound. The conversations they have leading up to her capture confirm there’s nothing they wouldn’t do for each other, and the honesty that’s been grounding them since her return continues to be the force in deepening the longing that’s torturing them both. How every scene they share in this episode is shot, written, and brought to life magnifies every other moment they’ve shared, revealing just how strong a foundation they’ve been standing on.
When River finally tells Sid whose funeral he was at, that moment simultaneously gives us the very unfortunate reminder that none of these characters actually get to take a beat. They substitute one trauma for another, and it continues to weigh on them until they eventually reach a breaking point. (When is the big question here.)
Then comes one of the two moments which floored me the most: Sid thanks River for saving her life, and River responds with, “It was either you or him, Sid. And I’d really prefer it if it was never you again.” Jack Lowden does something so incredible with his performance, depending on which character River is interacting with, and with Sid, there’s a sincerity that no one else gets. A mix of fear and ease that tangle with each other because River doesn’t fully grasp the magnitude of his feelings for her, but he just knows, with utmost certainty, that he can’t lose her again. He likes spending time with her. He likes arguing with her. He likes being in her orbit, no matter what they’re doing.
In every way that matters, “I’d really prefer it was never you again” is a promise. It’s River telling her that whatever comes next, he’s going to do everything in his power to ensure that she’s safe. She’s taken care of. He’s going to ensure that he never spends another three years confined in a space all by herself. And the best part of this is that he doesn’t need to outright promise it because it’s written all over his face. It’s in the look he reserves just for her, tucked away safe for the moments where being vulnerable is actually welcome. The thing that also gets me is that if they weren’t interrupted, I’d bet they would’ve kissed here. Right next to this tree, despite both of them being in pain because, with the way Sid looks at him, it’s obvious that she can see just how much he cares about her. How she’s safe with him. Always. And those quiet moments are blaring with so much longing that it makes every other scene we get feel like a time bomb.
The second moment is an even more subtle one, and it’s again a testament to Lowden as an actor because a single look gives us a thousand words at once. It’s after their ridiculous—albeit wildly them—conversation about romantic places to die. And it’s after Sid tells him she’d leave the light on for him. The haunting and harrowing sadness with which River looks at her is so gutting in that moment because you can see clear as day that all he wants is to keep her safe.
It’s not even about the innuendos of what they can do in the dark, it’s about wanting to protect Sid. It’s about wanting comfort, for once in their lives. And the way she responds to him by actively voicing her fear of not wanting to do this? That’s when their partnership becomes bigger than what it already is. They’re a couple, right in this moment, without making the big declarations to become one, because they’ve already proven at this point that they’re each other’s person.
But let’s backpedal again because the conversation about leaving the light on is everything. River being vulnerable enough to share what might just be one of the most sacred memories of his grandfather is proof of how he trusts Sid. He knows that even if she mocks him—which she’d never in this situation—she’d understand the significance of what he’s telling her. The fact that no matter how awful his days have been and how lonely he’s felt, this small act from his grandfather has meant the world to him. It’s why those are the moments he misses him the most. Because it’s the only time he’s ever felt safe. Cherished. Appreciated.
And Sid promising him that she’d leave the light on for him is Sid giving him the concrete assurance that he isn’t alone anymore, even while she’s literally about to go away. While she’s moments from being taken again, she wants him to know that she’d protect him in the same way he’d protect her.
These promises, coupled with the jokes, are so distinctly Sid and River that it makes their first kiss ten times more evocative, even while it’s brief.
Because, no, River doesn’t have the time, but he absolutely does for this. Because this time, even when he’s trying to save her life by throwing them off her trail, he doesn’t want to pass up the opportunity to really show her just how deeply he cares. And as far as first kisses go, there’s a saying for us romance authors: he kisses her like he’s starving—like she’s air and a lifeline. A purpose. Everything. River packs every piece of him into the short kiss, holding onto her for dear life, even if it’s for a second. He wants her to know, without hesitation, that yes, he absolutely has time for her. Always. She’s the one true constant left in his life, and I really can’t wait to see how the show unpacks this.
Slow Horses Season 6, Episode 5 is now streaming on Apple TV. What are your thoughts on Sid and River’s first kiss? Let us know in the comments below.
First Featured Image Credit: ©Apple TV